Since 1997, my employment has required little or no physical exertion. I spend my days behind a windshield or on the phone or perhaps at some sort of meeting all of which require little exercise. This and the normal aging process has left me defeated in the battle of the bulge.
The Warden has in recent years begin to struggle with me against this wearisome and natural malady. All too often the question arises, "does this dress make me look fat?" Every married man has or will hear that at least once in his married life. The truthful answer would be, "no, your fat makes you look fat". But, I firmly suggest that all men use the 1/2 truth and stop at "no".
We have tried to "count calories" together. This should be called the "starvation diet". Trying to live a normal life on 1300 calories is an impossibility. It might work if you were chained in a dungeon somewhere. But try to sit down with any rancher at his kitchen table to discuss business and his wife will offer a cup of coffee AND ___?___. You can fill in the blank here with multiple possibilities; slice of pie, cookies, home made cinnamon rolls or her grandmothers famous recipe for "I don't know what it's called but it's good". (One of those things and you need a calculator to count the calories) Anyway we tried, became discouraged trying to stay on it and lost little or no weight.
We have tried the "low fat" diet. Now this might as well be called the "cardboard diet" cause that's what everything taste like when you don't butter it or put gravy on it! Now this of course leaves out such things as; chicken fried steak ala carte, bacon/cheese burgers or the "hot hamburger" which is famous at cowboy restaurants (an open faced hamburger covered over with french fries and white cream gravy). These my friend are staples of life! Anyway we tried, became discouraged trying to stay on it and lost little or no weight.
Then there was the "you can eat it if it's green" diet. If you're not careful on this diet you'll grow long ears and hop around cause there is nothing that fits except for rabbit food. Now I do like salads .... if there's enough Thousand Island dressing on it! It finally got so bad that the green mold on two week old bread was beginning to look good. Anyway we tried, became discouraged trying to stay on it and lost little or no weight.
But I think I am fixing to start a new diet ..... it's the "rocky road ice-cream and Snickers bar" diet. I figure the Warden will join me and just like the other diets, we won't loose any weight .... but we dang sure won't be discouraged trying to stay on it!!