T'was the night before ......

T'was the night before Christmas,

or maybe it twasn't,

For it's bearing on this story,

matter it doesn't!

 

For each family reunion,

the gathering of the hoard,

There's just one thing,

that gets my gourd!

 

The Warden cleans the house

inside and out,

Until everything is spotless

there is no doubt!

 

"Why?" I ask

"You know it won't last!"

"Don't you remember,

what happened in the past?"

 

"Quite your complaining

and grab a broom"

"When your done there,

there's one more room!"

 

And if that isn't enough,

we must feed the brood.

To feed that bunch,

takes a ton of food!

 

A side of beef,

an acre of potatoes.

And don't forget,

a bushel of tomatoes!

 

Two days of cooking,

the Warden finally sighs,

But keeps watching me,

with wary eyes.

 

"Get your finger out of there,

that's for tomorrow!"

So I hang my head,

and walk away in sorrow.

 

The day finally comes,

with all it's clatter,

The saying of grace,

and passing the platter.

 

Glasses turn over,

spilling to the floor.

Even mashed potatoes

are found stuck to the door.

 

Dinner now over,

nothing left to devour,

Plates licked clean

not even enough to sour!

 

Then like a tornado,

a storm that looms,

The devastation now spreads

to the other rooms.

 

Bristle blocks, toy trucks,

dolls and so much more,

These are found strewn

all over the floor.

 

Naps are attempted,

but never attained.

It would be simpler,

to keep an atomic blast contained.

 

The aroma from the kitchen,

the Wardens cornbread and stew,

Now replaced by the smell

of diapers and hinny wipes too.

 

The day finally ends,

the mayhem completed.

We stand at the backdoor,

hugs, kisses and I love you's repeated.

 

I extend my hand

and give a last wave,

Wondering in my mind

if the house we can save.

 

The Warden gives a wink,

and I can read her mind,

For she and I

are of a similar kind.

 

Here I must brag,

I must be bold,

We wouldn't trade that day,

for all the world's gold.

Dennis

My Last Blog and Testament

Well folks I just thought I had a cold, that is till I read The Drudge Report this morning!  It quoted a Washington Post article entitled ....

 

"Virus Starts Like a Cold But Can Turn Into a Killer"

 

Now naturally I had to read THAT one ... seeing as how my well being might be in jeopardy!

 

There they quoted an expert in infectious diseases, a David N. Gilbert (now it doesn't mention him being a doctor .... but I assume he is ... or possibly a local quack ... but none the less).  He had noticed an unusual number of patients, "including young, vigorous adults" were coming down with pneumonia. 

 

The article went on to quote Gilbert ..."What was so striking was to see patients who were otherwise healthy be just devastated," Gilbert said. Within a day or two of developing a cough and high fever, some were so sick they would arrive at the emergency room gasping for air.  My symptoms exactly!  (well except for the emergency room)  When I woke the Warden this morning to tell her I was sick .... she said, "take a couple aspirin and wake me in the morning".  She has a terrible bedside manner.

 

As I read more of the article it stated, "1,035 Americans in four states have been infected so far this year by the virus".  That number has increased to 1,036 because there is no doubt in MY mind that I got it!

 

Then the article quoted a CDC disease investigator and said, "What people need to understand is that there is a virus out there that can make you very, very sick," Su said.  (No S*** Sherlock!) "If you have a bad cold and your symptoms keep getting worse, go see your doctor. (This man is an utter genius!) This is nothing to be necessarily alarmed about." (Then why the article?) 

 

The article even quoted a survivor.  "At first I thought it was just the flu," Spencer said. "But then it was the worst feeling I ever had. I felt so miserable. I really felt like I was dying."  Yep, that's my symptoms!  And he spent 8 weeks in the hospital with it.  I better call Fred and ask for the day off!

 

The article concluded,  "Are we going to have another huge outbreak, or will it disappear?" Gilbert said. "We just don't know."  Well I'm sure glad he cleared that up for me!

 

So if in the next few days you read of my demise, you can tell the Warden she should have been more sympathetic to me because I had the "adenovirus".

Dennis

Energy Dependent

This morning I got up at my usual 3 AM.  I knew it was going to be a good day.  I walked to the kitchen and started my coffee perking (or dripping or what ever they do these days), then walked to the man lair.  I started my computer and listened to the hum of the hard drive as Windows Vista began to load. 

 

I could hear the rain dripping off the roof as the first winter storm of the season blew outside.  "HA HA" I think to myself, no outside work today!  A whole day in the man lair!  The perfect Saturday!

 

Poof!  The lights went out!  It was so dark it was like being in a cave!  I sat for maybe a minute before the lights came back on.  It's this way every year ... the first storm will always find all the weak links in the rural electrical grid. 

 

I knew that I would need to restart the coffee and reset the clocks, so I set about that task; microwave, stove, TV, video tape player and finally the coffee maker (I didn't realize that we had so many clocks!)

 

I walked back to the man lair and hit the power button on the computer.  Whir.  Blink blink. 

 

Poof!  Out they went again!  So I sat patiently for maybe 5 minutes .. nothing.  Well I finally decided to go find a flashlight.  Now finding a flashlight in the dark is like looking for your glasses when you need them to see anyway!

 

I groped all around the man lair and could find nothing.  Working my way to the door (and stubbing my toe a few times) I proceeded to find the kitchen.  There on the cabinet I was able to find one without first slicing my hand open on a sharp object.

 

Now I had light!  I shined the light on the coffee pot to see if there had been enough time for at least ONE cup.  No such luck.  So now what was I going to do to pass the time while I waited patiently for the electricity to come back on?  No computer.  No TV.  I couldn't even read a book by this flash light.  (Coal oil lanterns would have put out MUCH more light!) 

 

I located my PDA.  Since it ran on batteries, I decided to catch up on my notes from work the past week.   After finishing that (and still no electricity) I played the few games that are installed there till finally the batteries ran down.  I looked at my watch 5:05.

 

With no electricity for nearly 2 hours .... which of course means no heat ... it's beginning to get a little chilly.  OK I think to myself, the Stockman's cafe is on another utility company so they should have heat AND coffee by now.  I locate my wranglers and head into the garage.  I hit the button to raise the garage door. 

 

Sheesh, I think to myself ... but being the resourceful fellow that I am, I remember the pickup was left parked outside.  So I head out the front door.  Since the Warden is still sleeping I lock the front door behind me.  I reach into my pocket for the keys when it hits me ... they are hanging on the key rings by the door into the garage.

 

With the front door locked, I walk around the house to the back door, rain dripping off the brim of my hat.  Walking through the house I retrieve the pickup keys then return through the rain to the pickup.  I drive the 5 miles to the Stockman's cafe and see the welcome lights of the coffee shop.

 

Not many are there at this time of the morning, but as I walk in, Mr. Holt starts pouring me a big hot cup of coffee.  Just as he sits the cup down in front of me ... POOF the lights go out!

 

So much for a perfect Saturday!

Dennis