The Warden's Christmas Present

Well, it’s that time of the year again. Trying to find just the right gift for the Warden. You got to be careful though when selecting that special gift. For instance, when we were still out on the farm, I bought her a new scoop shovel. I knew how hard it was to muck out the hog barn with that old one and figured she’d be mighty happy with a new scoop. But I detected a little sarcasm in her voice when she said “you bought this just for me? How wonderful!” And I have learned that buying her a matching ensemble of denim work shirts and coveralls from Tractor Supply brings about the same retort.

One year I even had a lady from Sears help me match colors on a nice dress and blouse. And do you know what? The Warden got all bent out of shape just because of the size! (It was an XXX I thought that meant ADULT).

And I have even tried getting her some jewelry. Jewelry never has to be sized, right? And colors don’t have to match! So I got her a nice set of earrings called “Dream Catchers” and a matching necklace from a store down along the road in Oklahoma specializing in Native American Jewelry. (She tried to return them but the store had gone out of business.) And you know what, she has never wore them! She claims the 4-inch bobs would pull her ear lobes off if they got to swinging in the wind.

Now people, I’m hear to tell ya, that I have tried most everything to find just the right present for that woman and nothing seems to please her! A new Snapper garden tractor, a new set of tires for her car, a kitchen blender, cheese grater and mixer combination all in one and once I even gave her, her very own, monogrammed fishing pole. Nothing makes that woman happy!

So this year instead of just hinting around, I plain out ask her what she wanted for Christmas. She said she wanted something special, just from her, something that no other woman had or needed. Now it took a little thinkin’ and doin’ to come up with something that fit that description but yesterday I got it all finished. Thanks to modern digital technology and a Wal-Mart “you take em’ you print em’” kiosk when no one was around! And I even got one of those nice simulated wood frames for it.

I can’t wait to see the look on her face Christmas morning when she opens that framed 8X10 picture of me in the nude.