Fat Boys Don't Bounce

One thing about frigid temperatures and icy roads, people stay close to home.  That is except for dedicated feed salesman!  We see a unique opportunity in catching ranchers close to the heating stove after chores are done and cattle fed.  However it does bring about another set of difficulties, that being, keeping ones feet firmly on the ground!  And yesterday was no exception as I slowly made my way from one hard to catch prospect to another.

 

I was counting my blessings as I approached the home of a very hard to catch prospect and seen that his feed pickup was in the shed.  His twin rat terriers were as anxious as ever to bite at my ankles as I stepped from the car and began my "baby stepping" toward his back porch.  Normally with good footing I can kick the little ankle-biters off but with the ice underfoot this was not an option.  So I just dragged the little cusses along growling and holding on to my pant leg.

 

Very carefully holding on to the porch railing, I was able to rid myself of the two attached appendages.  Slowly I made my way up the ice covered steps to the back door.  I knocked loudly a couple times, eagerly awaiting his appearance so that I could get in out of the bone chilling wind.  But to my great disappointment, no one was there.

 

I turned and slowly made my way back to the ice covered steps of the porch rubbing my hands together in an attempt to warm them.  The two ankle biters were waiting patiently for me at the bottom step.  Fearing they might cause me to loose my footing (and knowing that the owner wasn't home), I let go of a stern bellow that sent them scurrying around behind the house and eased on down the steps.

 

I headed back across the yard totally disappointed that I had again missed an opportunity with this prospect.  So totally was I focused on planning my next call that I never realized the very slight slope in the yard two steps from my car door.  In the next instance I was suspended in mid air resembling the position of a magician's assistant as he passes a hoop to show there is no wires attached.

 

I landed so prone that my heels, butt, back and head hit at exactly the same time with a very audible WOOF!  This sound raised the attention of the ankle biters who rounded the corner of the house in a dead run.  My next memory is trying to determine which was the most important crisis; getting air back into my collapsed lungs, freezing to death only inches from my car, or the ankle biters who had discovered that my ear lobes were now down on their level.

 

Well as you can see by my relating this story that I did in deed survive.  But I am sure dreading going to the coffee shop this morning hobbling like a 100 year old man.  And there is no doubt the Band-Aids on my ear lobes will attract some attention.

Dennis