I thought I had seen it all, but the events of yesterday top them all. I was on my way home from visiting my folks and decided to stop for a wonderful redneck delicacy, a bacon cheese burger and freedom fries. So I find me a Braums and pull in. Practically run to the counter to order but she is finishing taking an order from a rather "delicate" looking man. She looks at him and asks "Jim, are you sure that is what you want?" To which he curtly nodded yes. She then took my order and handed me my number and I go sit down.
While watching traffic out the window I am faintly aware that the man is talking to himself, but my main focus is on the bacon cheese burger and awaiting my number to be called. His number is called and then mine. I notice the two sandwiches on his tray and think for a little guy he must have a big appetite. I return to my table and peel back the wrapper on this beautiful sandwich. I take the first bite slowly to savor the blended flavors, and think to myself I am gonna make this last and enjoy every bite.
As I relish this bite of heaven, it becomes apparent that this guy is not only talking to himself, but answering! Which in itself is not all that uncommon, but he was using TWO voices! He would look to his left and say something and then look to his right and answer! I am sure I must have been looking at him with one of those "deer in the head lights" looks. He looked at me and said "What are you staring at?"
Then looking to his left in a rather high voice "Don't yell at him!"
Looking to the right in a deeper voice, "Well he was staring at us!"
My bacon cheese burger was losing my interest very rapidly as ultimate fear set in, but I quickly begin staring at my hamburger. Though my side vision I noticed as he looked left and then right. I strained to listen.
"Jim this is not what I wanted!"
"It's what I always get you."
"But it's not what I asked for tonight!"
"You'll like it. Eat it"
I attempted another bite, but it could have been made out of cork board and I wouldn't have known. I even tried a chaser of freedom fries, but I was totally trained on the conversation across the isle. No longer was I chewing my food, rather just biting and swallowing. I wanted OUT of this place.
As I was swallowing the last bite and picking up my wrappers to discard, I noticed the counter lady watching nonchalantly. As I walked by, I pointed to the table and she just winked, "They come in here often."
"They?" I ask. "This is normal?"
"Well", she said, "I wouldn't call it normal. But, not out of the ordinary for Jim and Sarah. You should be here when Sarah comes by. Decked out to the T."
"Oh?" was my first response, then realization set in. "OH!"
"And only once have they caused a scene enough for us to call police. Sarah was having an affair and Jim caught them!" She seemed fully willing to tell me many more stories, but this was getting a little too kinky for me.
But on the way home I got to thinking......if I could just figure out how to sell some tickets to a performance like what I had just seen.......I COULD BE RICH!