Shopping on line, Warden style

I was listening to some business news the other day at how many billions of dollars are spent at Christmas time.  An astronomical amount to say the least.  He told stories of people standing in line for hours the day after Thanksgiving waiting on the store to open.  He talked about crowded malls and retail stores and the mad rush to find the right present.  It really got me in the Christmas spirit!

 

Then discussion turned to "on line shopping".  It was reported that 50-60% of all Americans will purchase at least one item this Christmas season from an "on line store".   And there aren't many major retailers who don't have an "on line store" anymore.  To me this does make a lot of sense, sure beats the heck out of standing in the express lane at Wal-Mart!

 

Authors note: It has often been said that a person will spend 30% of his life in bed.  I think an additional 25% of his life is spent standing in a check out line at Wal-Mart!

 

But let me describe "shopping on line" with the Warden.  It goes something like this;  I'm on my way to town to purchase something when the cell phone rings.

 

"I forgot we had to have those clothing gifts for the angel tree person tomorrow at church." the Warden says, "Will you pick them up while you are in town?"

 

"Dear," I always use sweet words if I am going to attempt to turn her down, "you know I'm not good at matching colors and stuff.  And besides I don't know where all the things are!"

 

"Just call me when you get in Wal-Mart" comes her denial to my attempted evasion.  Click!

 

As I walk in the door, instead of saying Merry Christmas to the Wal-Mart greeter, I'm dialing my phone.

 

"I'm here!" I say as she answers.

 

"Ok, turn right and go to the men and boy's department," she instructs.  (She knows a Wal-Mart layout better than any of the Wal-Mart store designers.)  "Now look for a shirt, large, neutral in color."

 

"What color is neutral?" I inquire.  (My motive here is to nip this style of shopping in the bud while it is still in it's infancy.)

 

"Pick out two and then use your camera phone to send me a picture," she commands.  Click!  (I think she figured out my plan.)

 

So I do as I am told and then call her back. 

 

"Take the one on the right.  And then go to the slacks."  The aforementioned scenario is repeated and the proper color is picked.  The Warden then directs me around the store to the various other items she wants purchased.

 

Finally, I'm headed for the checkout line with all the desired items.  "Ok, then we're done?  I can head home now?"

 

"No!" she says, " I need you to stop by the grocery store and pick up a few items.  Call me when you get there!"    Click!

 

I'm not sure anymore that I am all for this "on line shopping" I think to myself as I inch forward in the checkout line.  I think all it did was to replace the list!

Dennis