The Remote

I think there is law somewhere that states that woman should not usurp her authority over the TV remote … or maybe that is in the Book of Proverbs. But anyway, if it ain’t it should be! Let me try to explain some basic facts.

First of all, women are built different than men. (OK I know it is a shock for those who, like the Warden, burned their bras back in the late 60’s but there are some differences.) For example, women’s fingers are pointed. Although I do not believe in evolution, I do think that a woman’s finger has evolved into more of a “point” after years of directing where furniture needs to be moved to, where a picture should be hung or where to plant the chrysanthemums!

Conversely, men’s fingers are more rounded. Probably this is due to hitting them with a hammer while hanging pictures or from digging in the dirt planting chrysanthemums. But none-the-less, this rounded digit is a much better design for pushing buttons, i.e. the remote.

 Authors note: The Warden who is reading over my shoulder as I write this, just mentioned that feature of rounded fingertips also is best suited for poking all her buttons the wrong way! But I guess that is another blog sometime.

Secondly, women do not understand the concept of “channel surfing”.

Major companies who spend millions of dollars on advertising realize that in mere seconds an image is burned into your mind about many their products, logos and services. These are flashed very quickly to influence your next buying decision.

However in certain instances, they leave the image on screen for several seconds maybe even the entire commercial. This is done for you to study the features of the product on a much more defined scale. Usually this is on the more expensive items that require a greater buying decision.

The same thing holds true for channel surfing. We have 60 channels to surf through (24 women’s channels, 5 sports channels, 10 movie channels, 4 major networks, 6 news channels, 6 music channels, 4 science channels and the weather channel). To surf these channels it should take less than five minutes, unless of course you run across a car chase scene, a golfer taking his swing, a shoot-out, a fight scene, a quarterback poised for a pass, a crack of a bat or a light tree blinking the start of a drag race. Any of these would of course slow down the surfing time.

Under no circumstances should it require more than a couple of seconds to move on if there is a song being sung on a movie channel! Or pray tell if you run across a scene of a lady pouring some batter into a cake pan why stop and watch her BAKE the silly thing! And watching some guy shingle his house? What good is that? You can fix the shingles on your own house if that is your interest.

Men join with me and let’s get a law passed. Write your congressman!
Dennis